lovely sounds.

many times, i wish i was able to express myself with

thoughtful words,

through delicate songs...

maybe a fantastic painting...

...but all i've got is a groan. or two.

and You understand.

thank You, Jesus :)

"we're all friends here"

it's raining. i'm in my room listening to it hit the tin overhang right outside my 6 bedroom windows.

i'm sitting here wishing I didn't have work in an hour. not because i don't like work, but because i'd rather be spending time with my friends. i need a greater appreciation for little, behind the scenes things that makes it possible for me to do bigger, better things later.

these days, thoughts of friendship, community, and relationship frequent my mind.

i'm learning a whole world about human relationships- what they're really like, how to maintain them, how to choose love when it's not easy, etc. most of my friendships are ever-changing, and many of them are long-distance. building relationships and maintaining them throughout the years has changed me the most as a person. we were made for relationships and being in them forces all the ugly things out of us and leaves only the most beautiful...over time. in my journey of knowing Jesus better and being transformed to look more like Him, nothing has been more effective than being in real, rough, flesh grating, relationships.

living life stuck within myself is less than savory and i don't ever want to think that i'd prefer an unchallenging life of solitude and shallow exchanges to sharing both the pleasant and dreadful moments and walking (or running, or crawling, or skipping) through life together.

hm. looks like i'm learning to love the risk.

good company.

tonight, i choose the weepies. joe purdy. bob schneider. and jeff pianki. spiced candles, twinkle lights, and a little old dog who's alive in her sleep. and the big orange moon. and my thoughts.

my honest thoughts.

they say, "today's the first day in a long time that i've been really happy about my life"

yup. that's really honest.

i promise it isn't sad or hopeless. just honest :)

anyway, if you have a moment, watch this.

"goodbye"

there was a time in life...just a couple of months ago, really, that i felt like my entire life was long-distance. that frustrated me. i grew weary of people's comings and goings. relying on technology to connect in lieu of face to face interaction got old.

i like my friends.

being with them is delightful and safe.

i've spent the past week or so with...oh, maybe 18 good friends.

hailing from all over tx and the midwest they gathered.

a group of people that really, "like each other so much, we could have fun doing just about anything" as Kevin put it.

mmhm.

today was the day we all scattered back to our homes again.

it was a pretty routine exchange of hugs, "i love you"s and "goodbye"s.

i didn't mind the parting of ways so much at the time, but later, i got in my car to go home and thought, "ugh".

even the most mundane things in life can be fun if you're with the right people when you do them. just getting in a car can be fun with four other people. but by myself, it's just getting in a car. bummer.

i believe that surely saying "goodbye" must produce something good and worth while...

but that doesn't keep me from dreaming of a day when i won't need "goodbye".

i'm probably just dreaming of heaven again...