Newness.

Happy Springtime :)

Hallelujah! He makes all things new.

A Birthday. A Holiday. A deep Revelation.

Today is my dog's 10th birthday.

Happy Birthday, Lucky!

Isn't she sweet?

This is her taking a nap with her birthday present, Lloyd.

ha, BFFL :) 

It is also St. Patrick's Day!

YES, I wore green.

These are my brand new trail running shoes that I wore as my green for the day.

They are also helping me train for a half marathon.

THAT'S RIGHT, I'm training to run a half marathon in October.

It's something I've kind of always wanted to do, but have never had enough internal motivation

or accountability to follow through...

but with the help of my good friend Erin, I'm finally going for it.

While having a conversation with the Lord the other day, I asked Him to make me a runner, to which He kindly responded that even if I became a runner, I should stay true to who I am in my heart.

Apparently, I thought running would make me a different person...a better person...

not so.

On a deeper level, God is teaching me that what I do really doesn't define who I am.

I've apparently been trying to earn the love of God (and people) through my actions...

somewhere in my heart, I believe that if I do well, if I do enough, I will finally be worthy of love, and God will approve of me, and people will love me.  If I can't do it perfectly, it's not good enough...God will be upset with me, and people will be disappointed in me...

LIES.

Jesus bought my freedom with his life...freedom from sin, freedom from performance and striving...

GRACE.

I'm learning to receive the abundant love and grace of God...to live in the peace of knowing that the work was done on the cross, that Jesus' death and resurrection is ENOUGH.

God LOVES me, and wants the BEST for me, so YES, He disciplines me and calls me to a higher standard...but the bottom line is LOVE and GRACE.

Without the basic knowledge of the unconditional love and unending grace of God, building intimacy, growing in character, maturing in faith, and LIVING out Kingdom values, all become a thing of performance and striving...ah!!

No, No, NO!

GOD LOVES US!

BOTTOM LINE.

AND GRACE ABOUNDS :)

Praying a Spirit of sonship over us all today...and everyday.

That we would KNOW we are God's children, co-heirs with Christ, created to dwell in His house of goodness and joy forever, infinitely loved, never alone, and always enough.

"pretty things"

Say hello to "Puch".

He's my new old bicycle, and I don't really know how to pronounce his name, but he's on my list of "top 7 things that interest me". I did minimal research on his make and model, and really didn't find much at all...

Also on my list of things that interest me are, "pretty things". On my Google Reader, I have all the blogs I follow separated into two categories- "pretty things" and "deeper things". "Pretty things" include various design and fashion blogs, while "Deeper things" include blogs that my friends keep to share their creative writing process, or to write about heart wrenching, mind splitting, life changing revelations they've been given straight from the heart of God, or to write about their everyday escapades in faraway countries. For a second, I wondered to myself if it was bad that I like "pretty things" and spend a small chunk of time browsing various blogs to find "pretty things" to be inspired by...but I decided that it wasn't. Not so I could excuse or justify the time I spend browsing blogs, or re-decorating my room, or putting together an inspired outfit, but because I'm in a process of learning that God really did knit me together in my mother's womb, and He created me purposefully the way I am. Everything about the way I was created speaks of my dear Creator and His Kingdom- how I like things to be beautiful, the way I feel deeply, how I come alive with the changing seasons, etc...I know that through the eternal perspective and in the Kingdom mindset, it's okay that I like pretty things.

every neat little thing about you speaks of God, too.

We were after all, created in His image :)

Let's delight in that for awhile...

enjoying my record player...

here's what I've been spinnin'...

ha!

I've recently taken up watching old episodes of the Cosby show via netflix when I feel I've nothing better to do with my time. I've noticed that Dr. Huxtable makes Claire laugh a whole lot, and I thought to myself, "I hope my husband makes me laugh as much as he makes her laugh..."

That's all.

lovely sounds.

many times, i wish i was able to express myself with

thoughtful words,

through delicate songs...

maybe a fantastic painting...

...but all i've got is a groan. or two.

and You understand.

thank You, Jesus :)

"we're all friends here"

it's raining. i'm in my room listening to it hit the tin overhang right outside my 6 bedroom windows.

i'm sitting here wishing I didn't have work in an hour. not because i don't like work, but because i'd rather be spending time with my friends. i need a greater appreciation for little, behind the scenes things that makes it possible for me to do bigger, better things later.

these days, thoughts of friendship, community, and relationship frequent my mind.

i'm learning a whole world about human relationships- what they're really like, how to maintain them, how to choose love when it's not easy, etc. most of my friendships are ever-changing, and many of them are long-distance. building relationships and maintaining them throughout the years has changed me the most as a person. we were made for relationships and being in them forces all the ugly things out of us and leaves only the most beautiful...over time. in my journey of knowing Jesus better and being transformed to look more like Him, nothing has been more effective than being in real, rough, flesh grating, relationships.

living life stuck within myself is less than savory and i don't ever want to think that i'd prefer an unchallenging life of solitude and shallow exchanges to sharing both the pleasant and dreadful moments and walking (or running, or crawling, or skipping) through life together.

hm. looks like i'm learning to love the risk.

good company.

tonight, i choose the weepies. joe purdy. bob schneider. and jeff pianki. spiced candles, twinkle lights, and a little old dog who's alive in her sleep. and the big orange moon. and my thoughts.

my honest thoughts.

they say, "today's the first day in a long time that i've been really happy about my life"

yup. that's really honest.

i promise it isn't sad or hopeless. just honest :)

anyway, if you have a moment, watch this.

"goodbye"

there was a time in life...just a couple of months ago, really, that i felt like my entire life was long-distance. that frustrated me. i grew weary of people's comings and goings. relying on technology to connect in lieu of face to face interaction got old.

i like my friends.

being with them is delightful and safe.

i've spent the past week or so with...oh, maybe 18 good friends.

hailing from all over tx and the midwest they gathered.

a group of people that really, "like each other so much, we could have fun doing just about anything" as Kevin put it.

mmhm.

today was the day we all scattered back to our homes again.

it was a pretty routine exchange of hugs, "i love you"s and "goodbye"s.

i didn't mind the parting of ways so much at the time, but later, i got in my car to go home and thought, "ugh".

even the most mundane things in life can be fun if you're with the right people when you do them. just getting in a car can be fun with four other people. but by myself, it's just getting in a car. bummer.

i believe that surely saying "goodbye" must produce something good and worth while...

but that doesn't keep me from dreaming of a day when i won't need "goodbye".

i'm probably just dreaming of heaven again...

"home"

maybe the best place in the world.

i love it here.

joy joy joy joy joy!

and love love love love love.

but while everyone is away working during the day, my vacation is spent sitting in my room sitting in front of a large sketchbook drawing things that i see in my mind.

the things i see in my dreams.

i'm always dreaming.

of things past and things i wish would come.

[9 times out of 10, i'm dreaming of a white christmas.

cliche. i know. but i just really want one]

i find myself drawn far far away.

to beautiful and fascinating things i don't see in my present.

sand and sun at the beach. slow motion snow in a winter forest.

a lonely tent on a desert hillside with a fire for two.

a train full of people from everywhere all going nowhere...

my little dog has to pee.

i walk her outside into the night and let her do her duty while I watch the clouds rush past the moon. it's like they've got somewhere to go...in my mind, i see myself turn into a claymation character, jump into the clouds, grab a hold of one and go wherever he's going...leaving my dog behind in her mess.

i just want to GO SOMEWHERE. SEE SOMETHING...maybe someone(s).

sometimes i wish my heart would just settle down. and settle here.

...but all the "longings" of my heart tell me one thing.

i was made for more.

i'm incapable of settling 'till my dreams become my reality.

my dreams from heaven.

the dreams that God gave me.

He'll make a way.

I trust Him.

because He loves me.

He really loves me.